How would you like it if someone spoke to your child the way you speak to yourself?
And this is the question I ask the people I coach – when I see them display a lack of self-compassion.
I am always surprised and saddened when people reveal the self-talk that goes on in their minds.
The themes of the self-talk are frequently disparaging, diminishing, disrespectful and downright damaging. (Wow, even I am amazed at the power of that level of alliteration).
So when I hear the negative self-talk, I ask the person to imagine how they would feel if someone spoke to their child that way. And then I ask a punchy question:
- How would you feel knowing that’s what little Sanjay or little Tara is saying or thinking about themselves?
And depending on how emotional the person is feeling, I also ask them:
- Imagine this – what would your parent or child or spouse feel knowing that’s how you think about yourself?
These questions are designed to help the person reflect on how to have more compassion for themselves.
So, if you are not going to think – or say it about the person you love most in the world, then don’t think it about yourself. And the key is this. When you catch yourself going down a spiral of damaging thoughts, just stop. Change your self talk. Be compassionate to yourself. You deserve it.
