It’s party season. 🥂 Here are the lessons I have learnt that will help for any social gathering, including making small talk with colleagues generally.
1️⃣ Interests outside of work. 🚴♂️ 🏍
Ask colleagues what their interests are outside of work. Then zoom in on this for general small talk – especially before and after the weekend – “So Steve, did/will you go surfing on the weekend?” You can always ask follow-on questions related to this hobby or interest, for example:
😀 Do you do this in winter?
😊 Is it an expensive hobby?
😆 Where do you surf?
🤔 Who do you surf with?
Of course, you should also share your interests – so that there is a balanced conversation.
2️⃣ Apply the same technique for social gatherings. 🎉
Some people don’t like talking about work outside of work. So focus on interests instead, unless they ask you what you do for work. In which case, you can do the same.
3️⃣ Partners, spouses and children – to share or not to share? 👨👩👦👦
Only speak about children/spouses/partners if your colleagues bring this up first. Don’t make assumptions about the gender of partners.
If you speak about your own family, watch carefully the reaction of your colleagues. Some people don’t want to know what fascinating thing your toddler did because they are struggling with fertility issues.
4️⃣ Politics is a dirty word. Huge no-no. ❌ ✖ ☠
It’s pointless venturing into politics. If you value the relationship, and you don’t want to be known as “that guy” at social gathering, avoid talking about politics. If you know your friends/family well, then proceed with caution. But you have been warned. Politics is a verboten topic of conversation because it can lead to bad blood. 💀 👿 🧛♀️
5️⃣ Don’t probe and over share. 🤐
Be mindful of the types of questions you ask, and how much information you share. Avoid asking too many probing questions all at once. Keep it surface level until the person is ready to share more. And don’t share too much about yourself until the other person knows you well.
So don’t walk from guest to guest at a party talking about the vivid hallucinations you had while on a bender in Burkina Faso in 2010. 😮😲 😵
Friends, there are many, many rules to making small talk.
But to avoid social gaffes, the above are a good starting point that I am sometimes unsuccessful at. 😳
But they should work for you because unlike me, you probably rarely suffer from foot-in-mouth-disease, and you probably have a better balance of curiosity and good manners. 🤓 😇
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