The father of a close friend died recently. When I caught up with him, I asked him how he was going and whether his family and friends had been providing support.
He said his former manager had offered him an incredibly insightful – almost profound advice as part of her condolences. His manager had said to him: Be kind to yourself.
I asked him why this was such an insightful comment – because I couldn’t work out whether this was a platitude offered in the moment.
My friend indicated that after the death of a parent, one can be filled with regret – regret for things said, or sentiments left unsaid, or actions taken or duties neglected.
My friend indicated that it was easy to go down a dark spiral into a void.
But he said that when he was advised – be kind to yourself, he realised that wishing things had been different was a pointless exercise, and he was not going to beat himself up for what could have been. Instead, he was going to focus on all the positives.
So when you are suffering a loss, friends, and you start thinking of all the ways you could have done things differently, remember, be kind to yourself. And hold yourself accountable to this maxim.
If you would want someone you love to be kind to themself during a time of great loss, then it’s important that you do this for yourself – because that’s what the people around you would want for you.
#smallthoughts #bekind #compassion
