Every now and again, at family get-togethers, someone talks about how I was the “first” in the family at something.
I was the first in a few generations of my family to:
🙂 Get a post graduate degree
🤔 Go to university as a teen after having a baby
😌 Live overseas for a stint
😮 Get divorced
😓 Recover after a major life crisis
But friends – while most of these firsts were held as an example of being successful (including divorce) – I bristle at this commentary. Here’s why.
⚜ The reason I was first at all of these things, and more, is because OTHERS WERE NOT GIVEN THE SAME OPPORTUNITIES – or they were actively deprived of the same chances.
📛 I was the first to go to university NOT because I was smarter or more talented or more academically inclined than others – it’s only because I had the OPPORTUNITY to do so.
☢ I was able to get a divorce because I had agency, and I was able to support myself financially. I know many others around me who were constrained by society, community, lack of agency, lack of financial support – who could not get the separation/divorce they desperately wanted – and needed for their mental health.
So friends – next time you see someone making a claim about being the first to achieve something, take a moment to think about others before them who could have walked the same path, but they LACKED THE OPPORTUNITY to do so.
Every now and again, at family get-togethers, someone talks about how I was the “first” in the family at something.
I was the first in a few generations of my family to:
🙂 Get a post graduate degree
🤔 Go to university as a teen after having a baby
😌 Live overseas for a stint
😮 Get divorced
😓 Recover after a major life crisis
But friends – while most of these firsts were held as an example of being successful (including divorce) – I bristle at this commentary. Here’s why.
⚜ The reason I was first at all of these things, and more, is because OTHERS WERE NOT GIVEN THE SAME OPPORTUNITIES – or they were actively deprived of the same chances.
📛 I was the first to go to university NOT because I was smarter or more talented or more academically inclined than others – it’s only because I had the OPPORTUNITY to do so.
☢ I was able to get a divorce because I had agency, and I was able to support myself financially. I know many others around me who were constrained by society, community, lack of agency, lack of financial support – who could not get the separation/divorce they desperately wanted – and needed for their mental health.
So friends – next time you see someone making a claim about being the first to achieve something, take a moment to think about others before them who could have walked the same path, but they LACKED THE OPPORTUNITY to do so.
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