Recently a colleague complained about a conversation he had had with another colleague – with the conversation being awkward and uncomfortable for my colleague.
He pinged me and asked if I could hold a workshop on ‘what not to say to colleagues’ – so that his colleague could learn.
After hearing what was discussed in the conversation, I offered another perspective. Knowing both parties well enough, I suggested that perhaps what was ‘heard’ in the conversation was not what was intended.
I then asked why he had not spoken up in the moment. He said he just didn’t.
Herein lies the problem, friends. If you are in a conversation and you hear something that does not sit right with you, YOU have a duty to ask for more information. Address the ‘noise’ in the conversation. And this can be done simply with questions:
⏭ I don’t understand what you mean. Can you elaborate please?
⏭ Do you mean X? Because that’s what I think I just heard. Is my understanding wrong?
⏭ Wait, let’s back up a little. You said ABC– can you provide more information on what you mean?
For many of us, when this happens, we tend to CHOOSE not to say anything in the moment, and instead go and talk about it (complain) to others. This is unproductive.
Instead of focusing on what others should NOT say to you, focus instead on what you could say to them – to ensure you walk away from the conversation having demonstrated goodwill and respect toward your colleague. And respect means giving your colleague an opportunity to address any lingering (even counter-productive) thoughts you have.
So, be brave people – you will develop stronger relationships with others as a result. And you will grow your leadership skills.
Thank you, as always, for reading my post.
#courage #courageousconversations #radicalkindness #respect #leadership
